What If? (A Rough Draft)
by Enigma Echidna
Summary: Will you ever know the pain in my heart? Perhaps one day you'll see me without hating me. Too bad that it isn't today, tomorrow, or next year.


_Love is...happiness._

 _Love is..magical._

 _Love is ...passion._

I would always imagine finding a guy like Papa. Someone who was brave and fearless, but who could also be gentle and loving. That was my ideal guy. My mother told me a very long time ago that love is a magical feeling and the second you found it to never let it go. She would also tell me that there is someone special out there for everyone, even for me and as a child I truly believed her. There was once a time that I believed in love, but now I don't even know if that exists in this world. To me it seems like an unattainable abstract, a concept that I will never truly have the pleasure to embrace. If true love does exist and can be experienced in its purest forms, then I haven't found it and from the way things are going I doubt that it ever will. Why should it exist for a pathetic hedgehog like me after all I sacrificed in the name of love.

From the day we met I became smitten with him. I read every fairy tale about falling in love as child, but nothing worked. That's what you get for taking tips on love from a kid's book. Then again where else would I get advice like that as a kid, by then papa was gone and mama soon followed. As I grew older I tried following tips from magazines and wrote to every advice column without any success. With all that information and tips crammed into me I should have have been a master in this field of study with enough leftover to start a doctoral thesis. Time and money wasted that I will never get back trying to become his ideal- a creature who just wasn't me. I hate me.

I know that I shouldn't hate me and that I should love me for who I am, but how can I when these feelings are slowly eating away at my core. I am well aware that there are different kinds of love in the world. Love between friends and the love found within a family do exist, and I experienced both many times. I even have pictures to prove that. But that is not what my heart desperately wants. Don't get me wrong and please don't think less of me for trying to obtain a hopeless dream with the hedgehog I love. When will the powers that be stop being so cruel.

 _Love is… faith._

 _Love is..loyalty._

 _Love is...action._

I would always tell myself reasons why he would run away from me or why he would make up excuses whenever I would try to talk to him. There were just so many plausible answers that I came up with over the years such as he could be busy saving the world or maybe he was just too shy to tell me. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and keep believing that if I wait then things would get better between us. To believe in them made the heartbreak and tears spent hoping that he would see that I truly love him for him, and not for what everyone else made him out to be. I really wanted to believe in him and in the excuses. It made everything a bit more easier and it also gave me hope than seeing things for what they were.

 _Love...is sadness._

 _Love ...is pain._

 _Love...is regret._

However, with each passing year my fantasy life slowly started to wither away with reality quickly starting to sink in. My faith is slowly starting to fade to black whenever I see him. It will never happen,and his love life proves it. I don't stalk him and nor do I go looking for him like before, but every time I go about my errands I see the two of them together. I wanna believe it is a coincidence that I come across them, but other times it feels as if it was all planned out. It sucks that he kisses that girl and holds her close as he ignores me. The fact that he now does that scares me into thinking that when I really need him the most he won't be there for me. Maybe it was me all along. I have been told that I could be a lot to handle.

To sum things up, why can't I have my happy ending? Why can't I just grow up and make his life easier by granting what his heart truly wants? His one desire and only ultimate wish. To live without worry. To live without fear. To be at ease wherever he went. To be free...to be free of me.

 _Am I loved?_

 _Can I be loved?_

 _Will I ever..._

 **It has been a long time since I wrote a fanfic as most of my time has been focused on getting my degrees in psychology and healthcare administration. If I had to gauge, well over ten years. I remember when this place first came into existence and my earlier works still show the kinks associated with a then youngling site. I can still the kinks even when viewing this story. I don't want to give anyone hope of continuing at this time as it would not be fair. Right now this is just a test to see if I can still deliver a somewhat interesting Sonic/Amy story. I might flesh out this entry further and if I can make it decent enough add chapters to this SonAmy story. Right now this is a very crude rushed draft of a concept that I had been considering for sometime. Otherwise it would be a more polished read. Please feel free to comment.**

 **Sonic and friends are property of SEGA**


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